Seashell 4

"What do you mean you gave birth to me?", she says sarcastically. "What are you?". "Where am I?", she is crying again. This time there was no answer. Sedna sunk to her knees and started to pound the floor with her fists. She was sweating profusely. Her hair was tangled and stuck to her face. Why couldn't she figure anything out! Ok, she thought. Just relax. She started doing her yoga breathing thinking about what her teacher had taught her. While she was trying to relax she started to take in her surroundings. From what she could see it was an open space. The ground seemed to be a sandy mixture. She walked over to the wall. It was smooth and it felt like porcelain.

"Will you please stop trying to tip the kayak!", her mom yelled. Sedna giggled "I am not doing anything! "C'mon, lets hurry up I have to go to the bathroom!" They started paddling towards the kayak place. They were not exactly quick. The sun was covered by a large cloud. It made the water turn an eerie dark tourquoise. After a few minutes of paddling they sat and floated for a little while. It felt good to let the slight breeze and the current push them along. In the distance Sedna could see a large boat coming. She grabbed her paddle and started going towards the shore. She did not want to get caught in that boat's wake because it would knock them over.

Her mom began screaming. "Oh my god oh my go oh my god!" "What?! "What is the matter?!" "I just saw a shark fin!" Sedna's head felt like it was going to explode. She could feel the anger. Where is this coming from?.

She was flying underwater her path was as direct as a torpedo she only thought of one thing...

catching that shark.

Seashell 3

She stared up at the umbrella. She was so tired. Her mom was telling her it was time to bring the kayak back. She gathered her things and brought them over to the kayak. Her mom wanted to go for a quick swim before they went back. She decided to go in with her. The water felt great on her steaming body. They were swimming on the Gulf of Mexico side. The sun was bold and beautiful and the gulf was deep and calm. She dove under water. It was very clear. She saw a small school of fish and horseshoe crabs swimming with her. She thought that one of the fish smiled at her. She surfaced and walked back to shore. "Ouch!" she felt her toe hit something. She looked under the water and saw that is was a rock. She picked it up and admired it. It had various shades of blue and purple crystals going through it. "Hmm this is cool", she thought. "I could add it to the shells I have collected".
"What is your name?" "Are you talking to me?", she asked. "Yes I am." "What is your name?"
"My name is Sedna." "Are you real?" "Yes." "Where am I?" "You are safe."
"What is your name?" "Mazu."
"Sedna, do you know why you are here?"
"Why am I here!" "I don't even know what the hell here is!" she says with a nervous laugh. "I woke up in this dark sandy weird spiral looking place in a lot of pain!" "I was also covered with some kind of slimy substance!" "Now I am talking to a miniature looking fish in a balloon!" She stood up and started walking around trying to figure out where she was. She felt like she was going crazy. She looked up at the spiral ceiling. She could feel the tears streaming down her sunburned face. "Well at least I can still feel myself", she said to herself.
"I am not a fish." "This balloon, as you call it, is my home."
"I gave birth to you."

Seashell 2

She and her mom decided to walk around Caladesi Island to look for seashells. There had been a storm a few days ago and there was a lot of debris that had been washed ashore. A lot of dead fish and seaweed. Abolone shells were scattered all over they shined like flattened pearls.
"Are you ok?!What!?Whatiswrongwhoareyoutalkingto? "Huh?" Her mom was standing there looking at her with a little bit of concern on her face. "Where did you go?", her mom asked. "What do you mean?", she said. "Ok, it is time for you to get out of the sun." Her mom grabbed her hand and she walked slowly back feeling like she had just walked 1,000 miles.
What is that? A memory glimmer.
She sat down next to the glowing object. She was unsure if she should dig it up. It looked perfectly happy where it was. As she was studying it she could see something moving around inside. She slowly started brushing the sand off of it. She picked up the object and looked at it a little closer. It was a perfect oval shape. It felt like a filled water balloon except the "skin" was thicker. It was no more than an inch in diameter. She strained her eyes to see because there was definitely something moving inside. It was filled with a clear liquid that had tiny glowing pieces floating around a larger shiny black object that looked like it was swimming. Her heart and her breathing started to escalate. She dropped it! As it hit the ground she heard the sound of a wave. She curled up in a ball because it sounded like the wave was coming over her. She was floating.
She opened her eyes and she could see the object sitting directly in front of her. There was a lot of movement going on. She reached over and picked it up. Interesting it looked like it was brighter. The little sparkling particles were spinning around the black object that was now looking at her. They looked like they were trying to protect it. Everytime she brought it closer they spun faster which made them look brighter.
"Hello."It is ok." "Don't be afraid." "You were meant to be here."

Glimmer

I saw it
When you looked
at me
That last time
The stars gathered
around you and guided you home
I saw you disappear
I hope you can still
see me

Her Hands

I stayed with her every night the week before she died. Her and I. Grandmother and Grandaughter. I would sit there and think about all the funny and interesting things she use to say to me. I also sat there and my brain would bring me back to when I was little. Running up and down all those stairs in that big house. No matter how quiet I was you could still hear every creak. I remember sitting at the kitchen table eating lunch with a couple of cousins. We would blow bubbles in our milk until it overflowed, much to my grandmother's dismay. Going to the third floor going through all the different boxes, drawers, and closets. Trying on all those beautiful old dresses and of course the great jewelry. She would take me on the city bus and tried to show me that shopping at the Salvation Army is cool. Playing hide-and-go-seek was a lot of fun because there were so many different places to hide.

I sat there holding onto her hands. Every few minutes I would burst into tears(like I am doing right now as I am writing). I am usually not one to cry in public. It seemed every time I would cry I could feel her squeezing my hand. Except for the night before she died. That was the night that I stayed over. I could hear her breathing becoming smaller. It started to remind me of a newborn baby. Small and quick little whispered movements. I would ask her to squeeze my hand and nothing. I became angry at myself because I had not visited her in a long time.

Seashell 1

She woke up with a headache and her lungs felt like they were being squeezed. She is covered in sand and what appears to be a slimy substance that smelled like something she just couldn't put her finger on. The last thing she remembers is sitting on the beach. She was sitting next to her mom. They were sitting on lounge chairs drinking dr. pepper and eating salt and vinegar potato chips. There were large umbrellas overhead. They had kayaked from Honeymoon Island to Caladasi Island. While her dad was out golfing for the day. On one side was the bay. On the other was the Gulf of Mexico. It looked like a liquid sapphire. The sun was brillant fire reds, oranges, yellows. She remembers standing at the edge of the beach on the gulf side enjoying the slight breeze blowing against her damp skin. She could taste the salt on her lips. As she looked out towards the gulf she noticed something happening in the distance. She heard her mom calling out to help unload the stuff from the kayak. Her mom was very interested in getting into the potato chips. She asked her mom if she noticed anything weird about the gulf. Her mom looked out and said no it was just as beautiful as usual.
Her body hurt. It felt like someone had hit her with a large truck. She tries to sit up and open her eyes a little wider. A sharp pain went through her lower back. "What the hell is going on", she says outloud. Her voice sounded dull and hollow . She passed out. When she woke up she could see something glowing on the right side of her. She forced herself to sit up and once again a sharp pain threw her back down. She looked at herself in the dim light. She notices something drawn on her left palm.
She started thinking about her time on Anna Maria Island. That is where her parents rent a place for the month of March every year. She usually goes down for a week. The place that they were staying in was only a 5 minute walk away from the beach. The second day she was there the waves in the gulf were really big. She loved it. She loved being lifted into the air like a bird and then thrown down like a rock. She liked to go out a little farther from where she probably should be. She didn't care because she got a high from the little bit of fear. One such wave did push that fear a little bit to the edge. This wave knocked her down hard and then dragged her to the shore. She actually could not come up for air for a long period of time because the water was holding on to her like a spider web holds on to a bug. While she was under she thought she had seen a dolphin. It was black and glistening in the little bit of light from above. The dolphin looked right into her eyes. When the water let her go she stood up and looked out into the gulf. She saw a dolphin swimming through the waves. There was a glimmer of something in the back of her head.
"Wow that was fun!", she thought. She looked down at herself and noticed all the scrapes on her legs from being dragged through the sand by that last wave. She could feel the sand deep in her bathing suit. She began to walk back to where her beach chair was. It was a lot farther away than she remembered.
As she sat up she could hear water dripping. She stood up and started to look around trying to figure out where she was and how did she get here? Her legs felt really wobbly. She noticed that small glowing object in the distance from before. She slowly walked over and bent down to look at it. It was partially hidden in the ground. (con't soon)

Crashing Words

pieces

broken

shattered

mirror

reflection

rejection

closed

floating

broken

drowning

listen

screaming

unbearable

bleeding

basement

closet

popsicle

underneath

bottom

faded

dead

tears

surfacing

fevers

hallucinations

voice

babysitter

father

mother

ignored

signs

rage

sadness

oblivion

three

six

burn

cut

suck

dissassociate

dream

run

fly

forest

path

dizzy

stars

moon

sun

holes

walls

tear

throw

help

song

dance

photography

illuminate

childless

eggs

old

destroyed

secrets

eyes

bed

under

snow

ice

freezing

shoeless

jacketless

out

scattered

puzzle

PUSH!

Well,
I hope you are proud
Here I am again
Standing on this edge
I believe this time
I am finally going to go over
You just had to get in my face
constantly
pushing
until I can't breathe
I can't see my own soul
because you have pushed it into yours
I am what you wanted
I am scared
I am ugly
I am a loser
I am never going to be anything
I am empty
I am so much easier to push over now
go on...DO IT!

Speak

The man steals my soul
because he can

I am too small
to stand up
to this dark tower

She watches in amusement
because she knows that
I deserve it

My throat bleeds
from trying to speak

Violet Rose

A violet rose is beautiful
its colour luminescent

The smell heals
the air
from the darkness

It opens itself
to the world

It never stops
growing

Everyone admires
how soft

its petals are...

Why does
everyone
keep trying
to
kill
it?

Untitled

I would give away
all my belongings
just to be with you

I would swim accross
the ocean to feel
the stars

dance

off your lips
onto mine

I would stand in darkness
for the rest of
my life

just to feel

your sunshine

wrap around

me

Lightning

The view from above
was so quick
It was senseless to think that anything
could fall
so fast
furiously
This giant bird
a Phoenix going backwards
Into darkness
50 pairs of eyes
they saw (what did they see?)
50 pairs of hands
holding on to each other
50 hearts beating as fast as
they are falling
50 beings gone in a flash

Canvas

There are flowers f l o a t i n g
trees are
swaying

Butterflies
dancing through the garden
The sunlight illuminates
the colors
Reflecting off the dew drops

Their wings are like paintbrushes
Coloring the garden's canvas
After the memory of a stormy yesterday

Salt Water

I am alone
My tears fall down hopelessly
I sit like a stone
Waiting to be thrown back to the sea

January 20, 2009

Today I walk through
this moment of transformation
with information about participation
in the dream of a man and woman
who walked through fire

To bring the country up from
the knees of desperation
to stand tall in the mist
of segregation

To fly forward
through the teargas
through the chains and whips
through the lynching's in the square
I have felt the change

This new start flew from the past
and found me in the future
to let me know
everything is alright

Go ahead and cry those tears

Let go

Fly little butterfly
fly

To bring peace
for all tomorrows

Beloved's Storm

There was a distant thunder
through the darkness
The sound stopped Everything

That Everything changed
in a split second

silencedarknesssplittinghelprippinghelptearinghelpgrippinghelpstop

What was
Was gone

Your apocalypse started
things began to crumble

stars f
e
l
l

The white rain came down
* *
*
***
* *
**
*****
**********
***************
***************


it drowned her

Little Bitches

Little Bitches
You act like you own the world
You are cocky
arrogant
and most of STUPID!
Go ahead make your
fucking comments
about everyone

Their hair
clothes
and most of all
their faces

Have you looked
in the mirror lately

To me your face
looks likes something
my cat buried
in her litter box

little bitches

FIRE!

Oh sweet sunlight
There is all this power
that you hold
inside

Nobody understands
how
it all works

It can create and destroy within an instant
If you don't take care of her
She will destroy everything

(originally posted on 5/12/09)